My heart weighs heavy. I can feel it sitting hard in my chest, laboring my breath. It’s making me want to close my eyes.
It’s a real thing when people say that their heart weighs heavy. It feels like a dead weight – there’s even a pulling sensation.
According to my enlightenment, this feeling is nothing but an illusion. If heaviness in the chest is an illusion, that will make lightness reality. Lightness is rightness.
It’s now the next day. I wrote all of the above last night after having a lousy day. I was exhausted. Too tired to breathe even. And now here I am at work waiting for my first client to get here.
I don’t want to work anymore….
Yesterday drained me. You know how I neurotically shopped for a used car not too long ago? Well, that’s nothing compared to office hunting. Hunting for an affordable office that’s suitable for massage therapy, is, well, nearly impossible.
I’m seeing my town in a whole new light. Understanding why there are so many shops and business’s located in the center of town, and not on the outskirts – understanding why the rent is so high in the center. It also makes me realize that the people who run the town, the one’s with the real money are the people who own the property that the businesses sit upon.
Commercial property is expensive. More expensive than renting an apartment. Real money can be made in commercial real estate.
It’s like I’m looking directly into a game of Monopoly. A new layer of awareness unfurled, exposing it’s sinister pearly whites.
Monopoly….That’s all it is. A game of Monopoly.
I went on Loopnet, Showcase, craigslist, and a few other websites to read about every single open office space in Cheshire. EVERY SINGLE OPEN OFFICE SPACE.
I called two realtors, inspected one potential office, and on Thursday I’m going to see another.
I spent at least ten hours online searching for office spaces, examining each building, every detail, every pro and con. And after researching online, I drove around town looking for “FOR RENT” or “FOR LEASE” signs. I spotted many. They were displayed outside buildings that I had previously inspected online.
“That one’s too expensive.”
“That one only has two rooms.”
“That one has too much space.”
I drove very slow, swerving from time to time. There was too much to see, too much to inspect – I couldn’t go slow enough. It was as though I was looking at my town for the very first time. Seeing it as a machine almost. A well-run oiled machine shining under the winter sun. Everyone playing their part, doing something, going somewhere – working the industrial digestive track.
A ghost machine that no one pays attention to.
Whenever I passed by a “FOR RENT” sign, I had to turn around and inspect the place. While I maneuvered through traffic - tons of traffic – I started to see traffic differently also.
“Oh yeah that’s right. Keep coming ya’ll. All potential clients. Look at all of you!”
The traffic excited me. Cheshire is on the up and up, rising in population. I licked my lips as I turned into a plaza to peer inside the windows of a vacant storefront. A small nail salon next to the vacant storefront gave me inspiration. If they can do it, so can I.
Until that is, I passed by a spa – a nice looking spa. And then another. I pulled into the parking lot of the last spa and sat in my car. I went on Yelp and searched all the nearby spa’s. There were about 15 in a 7 mile radius.
I gazed at the nice looking spa before collapsing my forehead onto my steering wheel in defeat.
“I don’t have that much money. I can’t do this. These are the places that are busy, not a flimsy cheap cold office. I’ll never make it…”
My client is done. She said she’ll follow me wherever I go.
Originally I was going to buy an existing massage clinic in the heart of Cheshire, but the woman selling it wanted $35K. I said no. Then last night once I had gotten home from my lousy day, after haven written the first paragraph of this post, she emailed me a counter-offer. It was a hell of a lot lower than $35K.
And that’s where I am right now. Contemplating buying her business. It has a ton of space, its own washer and dryer, two bathrooms, 3 massage rooms with the possibility of adding a fourth, all utilities included. Comparatively, it’s the best and only suitable space for a massage clinic. First floor, ample parking, right on the main strip….
I can turn it into a cash cow – a big fat money making cow. I know I can.
I’m going to be massively in debt for a very long time. A big hole that will take years to fill.
I’m trying not to have tunnel vision. I want to think about this rationally, see it clearly. It’s just that, I don’t know, it makes sense to buy it. It’s already equipped with staff, clients, LLC, decor – all that is already there. If I were to start up my own business from scratch, it will cost close to her asking price. Not only that, but I will have zero money coming in for a while.
No matter which way I look at it, it makes sense to buy it.
I’m insanely tired. I keep going to bed super late. I stay up late watching documentaries, reading interesting articles, writing down blog idea’s (which I never use).
Okay, now it’s 1:42 in the morning. I tried to sleep, but couldn’t. I stayed up watching stupid Ted Talks and got my brain all wired. In one of the episodes, they mentioned epinephrine. I think my brain is making way too much.
On my way out of the house yesterday, I nearly slipped on some ice that lay buried beneath the snow. I immediately called my parents.
Me – “Hey Dad I almost slipped on some ice in the driveway. Please be careful with Mom so she won’t fall? I think you should hold her by the elbow.”
Dad – “Or maybe she can hold me up.” He laughs his laugh.
Me – “I get so nervous about Mom falling. I’m so worried about it.”
Dad – “We’ll be careful, don’t worry.”
Me – “Okay good. I got to go. I got to go to work.”
Dad – “Okay, be careful driving. It’s icy.”
Me – “You guys be careful!”
Dad – “We’ll try. Thanks for the phone call.”
I can hear my Mom in the background telling me she loves me and thanks for calling.
Dad – “Okay we’ll see you later. Be careful.”
Me – “Yeah I’ll see you guys later. Please be careful too.”
That last bit of the convo made me smile. We couldn’t stop warning each other enough to “be careful.”
Who can have such a light heart at times like these? When an elderly overweight grandmother who recently had a knee replacement and a 30 pound tumor removed, who is in constant danger of falling every time she gets up – how can my heart be light?
How can my heart be light when I’m planning on buying a massage business?
How can my heart be light when I’m turning 34 on Friday? On the most depressing, cold day of the year? How?
I tend to malinger. Don’t mind me. Melanie Malingers, or Malingering Mel.
No, I’m not malingering. I’m legitimately stressed.
I’m going to attempt sleep again.
I finally slept. I slept until 11:30 and it was wonderful.
I’m in work waiting for my first client. I’m going to publish this post and start another.