If you consider yourself to be born from your parents, you become your parents, an extension of them. If you consider yourself to be born from the earth, you become the earth – you and it are the same. If you consider earth to be born from the universe, you become the universe. You are one with everything.
I read that somewhere and thought it sounded cool. We are all part of the universe. If you really meditate on this, it’ll blow your mind. Trust me. Start small and then expand.
If you consider yourself part of a society, a community, and your perspective ends there, you will become an extension of that society. You and it are inseparable. Whatever it does, you do. Whatever it thinks, you think.
Of course there’s a lot more to it than that, but that’s the general gist of it.
Since I don’t do drugs, this is the best way I know how to escape my weird little lonely world. By viewing reality with complete objectivity into seeing the vast emptiness of infinite potential. It’s my way of coping. This is why I write the stuff I write.
Well, there’s that and going to bars to drink beer like there’s no tomorrow.
We are all escaping something, just no one’s aware of it. I’m aware of it and no, being aware of it doesn’t make you any happier. But it does put you in control.
Forged in the patterns of survival,
We coil around the primal
facile wings of the spiral.
Holding on and letting go
Wanting to be free
But never alone
It’s now a few days later. I went to a folk bar last night to celebrate my friends birthday. The musicians played the fiddle and banjo on an intimate little stage.
I saw a man sitting alone in a corner who kept looking over at our table. He looked to be around 40, dressed neatly in casual boring attire – unassuming and overlooked. Dave accidentally broke the ice with him, and so the man pestered us for the remainder of the evening. He’d retreat back to his corner anytime he felt excluded from our converstation, but then he’d come back asking us weird questions.
The man – “Can I have a sip of your water?” He asks Dave.
I got Dave a cup of water because he drank way too much booze. I prefer not to share cups with complete strangers, and found it incredibly rude that he asked for a sip. I mean really, who does that? I didn’t want Dave to drink from the cup after the man had his mouth all over it.
I know I write a lot about God, love and light and all that jazz, but truth be told, I don’t have rainbows shooting out of my ass. People can piss me off regardless of my loving nature. Especially when I feel they are not harmless.
I got a bad vibe from the guy. He fit the profile of someone who’d violently flip out.
I gave him weird looks as he tried elbowing his way into our group. My anger shot up when he interrupted my friend’s story to ask where Dave went.
He started talking to me.
The man (whose name is Mike) – “I’m neurotic. Crazy neurotic.”
Me – “I knew it!”
I say as I slapped my knee. I was happy he admitted to it.
Me – “I could tell just by the way you kept looking over at us.”
I didn’t say it in a mean way, but in a ‘thank god you’re aware of yourself’ kind of way.
Mike – “There’s no compassion in the world.”
‘Shit, did he seriously just say that?’ I thought to myself. ’That’s what I’ve been writing about!’
Me – “I can’t argue with you there. But if you’re scared of not seeing compassion in people, you’ll fight it by becoming uncompassionate yourself. You become what you fear.”
Mike – “I’m a good person. I would never hurt anyone.”
I nod my head, but the violent vibe he gave off wasn’t going away.
(Speaking of violent, my brother’s dog is laying on my bed with me violently licking his scrotum while making slurping grunting sounds.)
People fascinate me. I am perpetually perplexed by others. He trolled away and came back a few minutes later with another man wearing a cowboy hat.
Mike – “This is my friend Matt.”
Matt was 25 and sullen. Incredibly cute, but a little off. Well, he could’ve been normal, but I tend to find shit in people.
I judge people by using my intuition and by analyzing their actions. It’s not judging exactly, more like pegging their character and putting a label on it. I’m a fan of stereotyping. It helps me understand people better, and with understanding comes compassion. Unfortunately at times, I don’t have the patience to want to understand.
When I don’t have the energy, or interest, I can be highly dismissive.
When I judge, I put people under a microscope. But it’s not the kind of judgment you think. It’s more like examining them out of curiosity to see what colors they give off. Everyone can fit into a stereotype, a color. I have yet to find my own.
I gave both men a polite allotment of time in which we conversed, but then turned my attention back towards my friends. I would rather be rude to the two men, then be rude to my friends.
The thing is, if you’re easily offended by someone (something they say or do), that’s a sure sign of being judgmental. Think about it. Think about a person you know who is constantly offended, and most likely you’ll see them as being judgmental. This kind of judgment stems from anger, not curiosity, not compassion, but anger.
I don’t judge with anger, I judge to understand.
And lately it feels like I can’t get hurt, I can’t get offended, or feel ashamed of myself. I owe it all to writing about it and figuring myself out. Honestly at this point, it would take a massive insult heaved at me by someone I love to throw me back into shaming myself.
Seriously, it’s because I wrote about it. I meditated on it, picked it apart with objective rationalization (if there is such a thing), and now I’m free of it.
Truth is, I love myself way too much to be hurt. I know it’s hard to understand, and can be viewed as being a narcissistic sociopath, but it’s not. It’s hard to explain. If you’re compassionate towards others, and understand them, they can’t hurt you. If you understand your enemy, they won’t be able to land a punch. I didn’t read this in a book or anything, it’s one of those things I figured out on my own.
I wish I can explain it better. I probably can, but I’m too tired tonight.
- How to Let Go of Resentment (kristinbartoncuthriell.com)
- There is Freedom in Experience (suelovesyoga.com)
- Anger (believecounselling.ie)
- Identify Your Anger and Forgive (willowscabin.com)
- The alchemy of anger (beyondmeds.com)
- Overcoming Anger (conformtojesus.com)
- They brand us, play us and cast us aside (sarabharrat.wordpress.com)
- Don’t Be Too Emotional…! Cry My Beloved Country (sowhatsart.wordpress.com)