I did NOT start my book yesterday. Instead I watched Once Upon a Time on Netflix, taken a nap and gone out partying.
This was my logic:
“I can’t start a book without a little Netflix inspiration first.”
Then it was;
“I can’t focus when I’m tired. I need a nap.”
Lastly, after waking up;
“I can’t possibly stay home on a Saturday night! What the hell am I thinking?!”
And so I went out, partied, and didn’t get home until 4 in the morning.
An old friend taken me out by going house to house introducing me to all her friends and there I was schmoozing and boozing, eating up every delicious morsel of attention along with any food I could find.
And I learned something new! Want to hear it here it goes.
I learned that by giving a meaningful goodbye hug to a person that you just met, is more powerful than hugging someone you see all the time. I know how that sounds, but there’s something very special about it.
Meaningful goodbye hugs to strangers….Try it!
One of her friends told me that I was smart, that I should be a therapist, and that I have a zen-like quality. She said that after claiming she’s an impeccable judge of character.
Why share this with you? Because I’m an asshole. Ha ha!
I had her spellbound with the most basic insights I learned from my ayahuasca journey. Shit that I don’t tell anyone outside my blog. For once I was able to merge with this elusive blogger known as Melanie Funbags. It takes many beers.
And so we turned a simple candle party into a 4 a.m voyage of delving into the human coil of hope and light.
I drank several beers. A lot. I drank a LOT of beers. A parking LOT of beers.
I don’t want to do that anymore. I need to refrain from it. I literally drank myself sober.
In my car I carry with me at all times, a 30 case of bud light cans. Vuala! Instant Christmas in a can! They’re meant for rainy days when a friend invites me over.
And during the few weeks when I found myself buying cigarettes, I would load up the empty beer can that rolls around under my seat with discarded butts. I have no clue as to how an empty beer can got in my car. I don’t drink and drive. And why the hell didn’t I just use the ashtray?
I have several empty beer cans in my car, not just one. I lied. But I didn’t lie about the drinking and driving part.
(I don’t condone this behavior. I am NOT cool. I’m simply describing myself because I want to fill my attention void.)
I arrived home completely exhausted. I was exhausted but hungry and amped up. I ate a hamburg (no bun), baked beans and coleslaw while watching another episode of Once Upon a Time (I love that show!). I played spider solitaire advanced suit (won) and vaped on my electronic cigarette knowing full well of the nightmarish consequences.
I couldn’t sleep. I was so tired, happy, anxious. The knot in my brain was gone, but I couldn’t sleep.
I laid awake in bed while examining my fancy drop-down popcorn ceiling with it’s pale yellow glow stars when my alarm clock started screaming bloody murder.
“AAA AAA AAA AAA!”
The sound from my alarm clock is red. I don’t know why, it just is. The sound from my head is sky blue. Put them together, you have mud. Or purple, I don’t know…
I smashed my face into the pillow. Smooshing it around good and hard to rub out the impossibility of the day. I could feel the skin on my face being extra stretchy and droopy.
“I’m aging, I’m aging!!!”
“This is how it happens. Today will ruin me!”
It got me thinking though, about makeup.
I believe there are two opposing beliefs as to why people wear makeup.
On one end of the spectrum, you have the pretty ladies who love their looks and wish nothing more than to dress themselves up out of love and care of their body. They wear makeup with pride. Because they like and accept who they are.
I vividly remember this while I was in high school. That’s how I know it’s true. I shaved my legs, went to the hair dresser, painted my toe nails and stared lovingly into the mirror wondering how else I could pamper myself.
Until one day I woke up and didn’t give a shit.
I lose interest in everything except writing. That’s why I’m still single!
Think about homosexual men or creative artists (I love them, so don’t get started). Some men, not all, but some, see their hidden beauty and feel the desire to dress it up. They do it because they love themselves. Because they are proud of who they are. They are a perfect example.
But on the other far opposite end of the spectrum, you have a haggard woman who applies makeup because she feels that she “needs” to.
Possibly going so far as thinking it unfair that men don’t have to do it. This is the complete opposite of seeing beauty.
According to the damn forsaken Law of Fives theory, what you believe, you will see. You will become and attract.
That haggard lady trying to cover herself up by caking on makeup, is creating the illusion of outside ugliness. She applies the makeup not with pride or confidence, but with fear and belief that she needs it in order for others to accept her. To love her.
How can she be loved and accepted if she doesn’t trust enough to love and accept herself?
That cursed Law of Fives!
I think our genetics take over when we give up and live in fear. It’s like choosing the standard model that our accumulated ancestors shared.
“I don’t want that one but it looks like I’m stuck with it!”
This is going to sound way too “filling the void” type of bullshit, but I’m going to go on ahead and say it anyway. I see beauty in everyone.
Everyone CAN be beautiful! Everyone IS beautiful. You can teach yourself to see your beauty at any age simply by living and believing that you are already beautiful. Dress your face with pride, not shame. Have dignity! See who you really are.
You are not your fear. You are NOT your fear. Fear is an illusion. Only love is real. Love yourself. You HAVE to!
Those haggard ladies need to go without makeup for a while until they learn how to see their hidden beauty – to literally see it with their own eyes. It’s not a metaphor or a mirage – but to really see it.
See your child face. The one that never changes. It’s the one that grandparents see you as (pure love). You are still that lovely child. See her, find her. See that beauty and when you’re ready, dress her up with pride. Look at old photo albums if you have to. Fall in love with yourself.
It can take a while, however. You’ll need to eat healthy and take care of yourself. That’s all part of it too. When you start loving yourself, you’ll understand what I mean.
Exercise your perception. Stretch it. The broader you see, the clearer the image.
I see your beauty, awakened people see it, Jesus saw it in leopards!
Just let go and trust, but never think your beauty exceeds anyone else’s. Never base your self-worth using other people as your base marker. You’re only deceiving yourself. People that do this know the truth deep down and it frightens them. It frightens them that no matter how beautiful they are, they’re still not perfect. Not complete without others vying for them. A person who feels self-worth solely based on beauty, are hurting inside.
And the fear of others rejecting them for who they really are, manifests into ugliness on the outside. They are bitches, in other words. They are referred to as succubus in folklore.
Everyone has a secret story, everyone has fear – not just the uglies (not really ugly, but you know what I mean).
When you’re able to see into the hearts of others, you will notice their beauty despite what they see in the mirror.
The ironic part is that their fear is also beautiful!
When you see into a persons heart, you observe their fears – this is compassion. By seeing their humanity. And that is also part of their beauty. Just as they are, they are beautiful. Bring out the beauty in others. Give. Love EVERYONE! We ALL have shit! We all hurt.
Wow, I totally want to cry right now.
I just got home from massaging for six and a half hours of hands-on manual labor. From 11 a.m to 8 p.m. One woman gave me a $45 tip yay!
I’m in such an amazing mood. They say that exhaustion helps connect you better to the reality of the universe (I read it somewhere).
I was so tired today that words were pouring out of me without my superego to filter it.
When I went to hand over my business card to a new client, I closely examined it first. I held it like a delicate organ ripped from underneath my ribcage. I awarded it to them like a nobel prize.
“This here is my business card.”
I looked at it again before going on to say, “it has everything you could possibly need to know about me and how to contact me. It’s all right here. Here on this card.”
I clutched the card in both hands while passing it over like it was the Holy Grail cup that Indiana Jones let slip through his fingers…pansy….
Me thinking – “What the hell am I talking about? They’re already here, they made the appointment themselves, been to my website…They know how to contact me!”
The client and I both burst out laughing at the meticulous presentation and importance I gave to my business card. It was freaking funny. My clients think I’m nuts, but they keep coming back!
Tomorrow. I will start my book tomorrow.
- The Law of Fives (melanieslifeonline.com)
- Your ugliness is beautiful written by: G.jones (gabrielkjones.wordpress.com)
- One in four women in the UK sleeps with their makeup on (time4sleep.co.uk)
- I struggle with makeup (randominhabitant.wordpress.com)
- Maybe It’s Maybelline (rachelmarkwiese.wordpress.com)
- How to Get a Natural Look With Makeup (everydayhealth.com)
- The Promise (jordanboehme.wordpress.com)
- Amazing Japanese Beer Machine (busankevin.com)
- Say Hi To Hello Kitty Beer [Photos] (wild941.cbslocal.com)
- What Is Your Alarm Clock Personality Type? (presurfer.blogspot.com)