I’m a nobody and I like it that way!

I had insomnia last night. My thoughts did not stop.

I miss my laptop the most out of everything back home. To lay in bed and just write and write – absolutely splendid.

I think I need to be a nobody for a while. Maybe that’s why I came to Spain. I came wanting a change in perspective, but first I have to shed my old skin.

I need to become a nobody first. Burn and bury the pages of my book. Both the written and the unwritten. I have literally done that before. 15 years worth.

I don’t need to do anything, be anything or anyone. I’m not special.

Lets drill this into your thick megalomanic skull Mel: You are not special. You are not special. You are a nobody, a nothing. And guess what? It’s okay.

I need to let it all go for a while and just be. It sounds self defacing, but it’s supposed to be liberating.

Ew I can totally hear everything the guy in the next room is doing and it’s disgusting!

I’m laying in bed in my hotel room, and the guy next to me, with our paper thin walls, is making me sick to my stomach! Every phlegm wad scarfed up, every wet fart splattering the toilet – I mean this guy has it all! Think of the most disgusting sounds the human body can make and you have my next door neighbor.

Wow, why the hell would I ever want one of these vile creatures to take home so I can sleep next to it every night? Is this how men sound when they get old? Does my dad hide these sounds from me?

Do I sound like that? No, no way. I’m a civilized dainty rose petal even in private.

I haven’t made a peep this whole time, but over in phlegm palace, they’re working on snot and ass bubbles.

I would not want his room after him. Those poor maids.

Anyway, back to my original business….

I’m a nobody I’m a nobody I’m a nobody.

Would a nobody be disgusted over snot man? No. A nobody just is. A nobody lets things be as they are just as she be’s how she is.

Okay, that last part sounds a trite grammatically incorrect.

I’m a Nobodynobodynobodynobody.

Okay, do I feel better? Does it feel like the pressure is off a bit?

I feel complete anger and horror over sharing a wall with this man. I can almost smell him! He sounds like Jabba the Hutt with a sinus infection.

Now he’s on the phone.

I can’t make out the sound quality of this vid. It’s him talking so you can get an idea of how thin the walls are.

I’m such a dumbass. It’s because of this man that kept me awake last night! He kept farting tremendously loud and hacking up Jabba phlegm. I forgot all about it until now.

He’s getting in the way of my personal development of becoming a nobody. He doesn’t realize that I’m hard at work over here trying to embody nothingness.

Speaking of nothingness, that’s what I did today. I ate at my favorite Italian restaurant and then at my favorite toppa’s restaurant. Then I sat in the park and laid myself down under a tree listening to a free classic audiobook, The Picture of Dorian Gray, by Oscar Wilde. It’s about three gay guys.

Then I came back here to my hotel. My pilgrim friends all went home save but a few that are hard to contact.

I leave tomorrow for Madrid.

I’m going to stick on my sticky pilgrim pants and go out for a smokey before bed.

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My view from the park earlier. And hey you know what else? I did a satellite image of the cathedral on my phone and it’s in the shape of a cross!

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Anyway….

I’m not special. I’m nobody.

8 Comments

Filed under camino de santiago, humor, random thoughts, Self help, Travel, video's

8 responses to “I’m a nobody and I like it that way!

  1. Thanks for the post…I am dying laughing, it is so raw , honest ,dramatic and at the same time quite entertaining…By the way you must be somebody …because unless I am crazy and seeing things I am reading your post and guess who wrote it !..have fun in Madrid…I could only wish I could be going somewhere but I am not…for the moment I am sort of stuck in this place…lol

  2. Jim E

    Hi Melanie,

    Great post! I’m with you on getting past “myself” and just trying to be a nobody… but old man ego keeps getting in the way. I’ve often wondered what it will be like in the afterlife when our ego (with all the attached stuff we define ourselves by) will get stripped away… and we will just be the real, non-ego us. This sort of thinking is fun, but it also makes my brain hurt.

    Anyway, you had me laughing out loud at: “He’s getting in the way of my personal development of becoming a nobody. He doesn’t realize that I’m hard at work over here trying to embody nothingness.”

    Life (and ego) always get in the way, don’t they? poot!

    Jim E

    • I did ayahuasca and experienced having no ego. It was the most amazing experience of my life! You realize that nothing matters and this world is just a game.

  3. Melanie,

    Back home in Texas, and like it or not, you are a somebody. I don’t hang out with nobodies, and I hung out with you. So, that is living proof that you are somebody and nothing you can do to change that. Have fun in Madrid. Jill and I had one night there, but could have used more. You will find it considerably warmer than Santiago. All feels a little strange being back in the states, as I am sure you will figure out. Take some time to sort out feelings and emotions, but mainly, I just wanted to point out that you are a somebody, and I miss hanging out with you. Steve

    • Thanks Steve I miss you too. I´m at a hostel in madrid and I wasnt feeling well today unfortunately. I´m usind a spanish keyboard so all my words are underlined in red. It thinks I´m spelling everything wrong.

      When I get my motorcycle and go cross country, I´m going to visit you guys!

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