Melanie Searches for Her Bliss

Ernest Hemingway's 1923 passport photo

Ernest Hemingway’s 1923 passport photo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I feel great today!  Yesterday I was coughin’ my way into a coffin, but today the sun is shining and I feel fantastic.  I don’t want to be here in work.  Think Santiago, think Madrid.  This is why I’m here today.

Arggg……work…..

I’m in the dungeon of my office building.  Amy called it the rape room.  I’m trying to figure out if I truly want to do this for the rest of my life and the answer is no – heck no!

Follow your bliss Melanie.

I’ll always have this office.  It’s a good thing having a trade to fall back on – And it puts me in a perfect place in my timeline where I can afford to spread my wings.

I came across a really great quote by Rumi the other day;

“Knock, And He’ll open the door

Vanish, And He’ll make you shine like the sun

Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens

Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.”

If I were to break it down Melanie style, it would go something like this:

“Knock, And He’ll open the door”

You want change, but don’t know what direction to take.  If you pay attention to the signs and follow your heart, doors will open.

“Vanish, And He’ll make you shine like the sun”

Lose your ego.  Lose all negativity and sense of control.  Want nothing and desire nothing and it’s there where you’ll feel as radiant as the sun.

“Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens”

Let yourself go and have trust and faith in knowing that everything will always be okay.

“Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.”

Don’t be caught in the illusion of believing that you’re more special than everyone else.  Be clear, simplify your mind – be humble.  Lose your ego and you become one with everything.

My first client just canceled.  There goes $75 bucks…

I have one more today so it’s not a complete loss.

You know what my problem is?  I’m too damn interested in everything!  I want to do and become everything and everyone.  I want to travel, to write, be a psychologist, take a class on philosophy, ancient myths, learn chemistry, biology, archeology, learn how to be an EMT, be Hemingway, be Picasso, be rich.

The friction of the duality rub is what slows me down.  What’s in my heart can’t happen in the physical – it’s too much work, too much time that I don’t have, too many excuses such as, “will this truly make me happy?  Is it worth it?”

I want to learn basically.  I want to learn enough where I can create something amazing.  The question is, what do I want to create?  That’s a question I’ll take with me on the Camino – it’s the perfect question!

What do I want to create?  What will truly make me happy for the rest of my life?

I love games and puzzles.  I need to find a job that requires putting pieces together.  I love games because I love having a purpose.  The purpose is to win.  You conquer the game, you conquer yourself.  It takes knowledge to do it.

The reason why I’m probing this is because one of my clients told me about edx.org.  It’s a non-profit online college that’s offering free classes.  Everything is free and available to anyone with an internet connection.  You don’t get credits, but you get certificates of mastery.  The participating colleges are spending millions of dollars to teach people who want to learn just for the sake of learning.

I’m not a fan of higher education these days.  They made it into one big money making industry.  People get stuck with tuition bills for the rest of their lives!  Not only that, but they land in a job they’re stuck with indefinitely.  It’s like signing my own prison sentence.  No, no thanks.  Not for me.  But neither is marriage and kids, so I’m an odd ball.

But it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to learn, or am incapable of learning.  I just do it in a real world way, you know?  If I’m curious about something, I go out and participate in it.  Classes are too contained and conventional.  It’s not real – it’s all about money.

But this free online thing is perfect!  I can get a glimpse of these subjects before I commit my life to any of them.  And isn’t that what I’m most afraid of?  Commitment?

After Spain, I’m going to invest in rental properties, sign up for free online classes, work on mastering watercolors and I’ll take it from there. By the time I figure out what makes me happy, I’ll have enough money to invest in the cog of higher education.

And believe it or not, that plan makes me truly happy.

“The only Zen you find on tops of mountains is the Zen you bring there.”

From the book Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

by Robert M. Pirsig

(I read it, it’s a really good book!)

Okay client where are you?  I’m ready.

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Filed under All about me, journal, random thoughts

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