Okay, so my original plan was to go on the Camino De Santiago pilgrimage and walk the entire width of Spain. I decided this before I went to Colombia. It was an elusive, scary idea that I couldn’t fathom undertaking alone – or without some kind of kick in the ass to get me going.
Then I was invited to go on a tour of Europe with my friends parents. You can read about that tour here. And I thought, “Ah perfect! A perfect introduction to European travel before embarking on a scary mission to find myself. It’s a way to start my journey – an ease of access to reach the beginning of my adventure.”
Basically, it was that kick in the ass I needed to jump start my trek. I’d already be in Europe, so there’s no excuse not to go through with it. The first two weeks of my European adventure would be living it up like a princess getting three squares a day and a warm bed at night. After those two weeks is when the umbilical detaches, and I’ll be on my own to find the way to Santiago, Spain.
It was still a bit unnerving to handle for an unseasoned traveler such as myself. I still live with my parents for cripes sake! But then Amy said she’d meet me there for the last two weeks of the pilgrimage. With her going, it became a LOT less scary and more concrete. She’s already been approved the time off, the dates are set and my journey is beginning to take shape.
Here’s where things get spicy; the tour of Eastern and Central Europe just got bumped ahead of schedule by a full month. I’m now leaving in April, not May. Which gives me more than just two weeks alone by myself. The exact dates of the tour are April 7 – 20. Amy is coming to meet me around June 17th. So that leaves me with 58 days by myself in Europe. 58 days! I’ll be gone a total of 85 days. Almost three months abroad.
I’m a complete idiot. The last big trip I went on, I got booted out of the travel group – and they were my friends who booted me! That goes to show you how much of an idiot I am. And the scariest part is, I don’t even know what I do wrong!
I’ll be going there completely unequipped, unarmed with brains or brawn, carrying around my nana’s 50-year-old police (rape) whistle.
The surrounding rapists will hear the call of the whistle and gather to join in with their fellow rapist like a gaggle of geese, or stampede of wild buffalo.
Rapist #1 – “Do you hear that?”
Rapist #2 – “Sounds like a rape whistle.”
Rapist #3 – “Music to my ears boys, let’s see if anything’s left of her.”
A stout evil Monopoly man with a monocle wobbles behind them rubbing his hands together, “Yes, let’s see what’s left teeheehee.”
A man wearing stripes on a unicycle follows suit upon hearing the rape whistle a second time.
Men rowing gondola’s while serenading romantic couple’s throw down their oars and rev up their hidden gondola engines.
Gondola man – “Get out you two, scram!”
Husband – “But I paid good money for this romantic evening with my new bride. You can’t just throw us overboard!”
Gondola man – “Shhh…You hear that?”
New wife – “Sounds like a rape whistle.”
Husband – “What do you say honey, shall we check it out?”
New wife – “Yes we shall. Let’s see if anything’s left for us.”
Gondola man – “To the rape whistle then!”
Vroooooom. They storm the canals in their gondola turned jet boat.
At that point I’ll be running for my life. Throwing down my heavy pack and running full force with my little whistle dangling from my lips. I’ll end up in the trenches, or the sewers where I’ll meet other women who also fled from the country of rapists. All of them safe underground, hooking up with homeless men who bring dumpster food home to feed their kids. The kids have scales, some no eye lids, and extra body parts from conjoined twins.
Me – “Hole – lee – shit.”
Sewer people – “It’s okay, really, you’re safe here.”
Sewer granny – “You want some tea dearie? I made it from the moss that hangs yonder. Rat shit-kabobs are on the menu tonight.”
Me – “Well, when in Rome….”
Sewer granny – “Rome is surely wonderful once you get past all the rape.”
She smiles flashing her black mossy teeth.
That could happen to me! Maybe not in Rome, but surely in France.
No, of course that won’t happen. I’ll be safe, I’ll sightsee and stay on the main roads the whole time. I’ll have enough money as long as I keep my expenses low. As of this very moment, I can afford it but it would be very tight. I have five more months to fill my pockets before I leave. In five months, I should have more than enough.
Shit…I have so much to do. So much to plan!
I’m such a lazy lay-about. Truly, I love to sit. To wake up late and sit some more. Have my blog in my lap.
Amy just stopped by my office on her way home from work. She came very close to talking me out of this.
Amy – “I can change my time off to meet you sooner.”
Me – “Nah, that’s okay.”
Amy – “Are you sure? That’s 8 weeks man, it’s a long time to take off from work.”
Her biggest concern was me missing work. For the past 31 years of my life, I had no money to save. I not only had no money to save, but nothing to save for. Now I finally have a little extra. I have the right job, the timing is right, the budget fits – and who know’s when I’d get another chance like this?
My heart is saying do it, my brain is saying “whoa there slow down Nessie.”
Double thinking things through drains me. I don’t like to think twice about anything my heart is telling me to do. My vibrance trickles out when I don’t follow my dreams, and this has always been a dream.
Once I’m out there on my own, I feel my heart will fill with historic luminescence. Beautiful landscapes, sunsets, bunking and sharing meals with strangers, my own dusty two feet walking one step in front of the other. I can picture it. Walking side by side with the man himself, God.
In the future when I look back at all I’ve accomplished, it may never add up to much of anything, but I’ll at least have this. I’ll at least have the experience of going off on my own to see the world. I’m not going to settle for anything less in life. Abundance follows me everywhere I go. I’ll always be okay as long as I don’t misuse my nana’s rape whistle.
- It’s Not Okay To Wish Rape On Rapists (thegloss.com)
- Crazy — Republican Lawmaker Wants to Jail Rape Victims for Ending Pregnancies (alternet.org)
- Moroccan rapist marrying to be abolished (familysurvivalprotocol.com)
- Child rapist Patrick O’Brien to be brought before the courts tomorrow (independent.ie)
- The Rape Singularity Is Near (anadder.com)
- Morocco will change law allowing rapists to marry their victims to avoid prison (boingboing.net)
- How to Travel by InterRail (essentialtravel.co.uk)
- Morocco to toughen rape legislation (bigpondnews.com)